Disappointment covered me like a blanket. How could he leave me like this? At my weakest point I felt abandoned, desperate and tired. He could have changed things. He could have swept up the broken pieces and fixed it. He could have protected me from the hurt, sheltered me from the fallout—better yet, he could have prevented it from happening in the first place. Where was he anyway?
I was disappointed with him—with God.
Ever been there? Have you ever waited on God to bring a rebellious child back home? Have you ever waited for God to reveal the truth so you could be proven innocent? Have you ever asked God for healing or freedom or success and it seemed as though there was no urgency in his response? Oh, I have.
I used my waiting time to question God, to voice my disappointment, to cry in despair. My faith crumbled. Weakness weighed me down.
Until I realized God could handle every single bit of me. My doubts, fears, anger, sadness, tears, questions—he wasn’t intimidated by me or my bad attitude. In fact, at my lowest, he stepped in with his strength.
I wanted revenge. He wanted reconciliation. I wanted to be heard. He wanted me to listen. I wanted to shout the truth. He wanted to expose the lies. I wanted to win. He wanted me to embrace losing everything.
Friends, I am not stranger to feeling frustrated with God’s plans. But as I grow older, I have experienced what a beautiful place surrender is. I understand more God’s plans are best for me. I am also seeing him work all things together for my good.
He can do that for each of us. If you’re feeling smothered by the blanket of disappointment with God, shake off the need to control, surrender your way and exchange it for his. Then you can watch him do something good. Something better than you could have imagined.
That morning, sitting in my car with tears streaming down my face, I realized I could not keep living in the hurt. I could not carry the heavy burden of bitterness and revenge. I had to let go and let God take care of it. Last week, I watched as God took care of a small piece of my hurt. Even though years had passed, God was still busy working, still busy reconciling, still busy sorting the light from the dark. He has not forgotten the surrender.
Is there something you need to let go of so that God can take care of it? Is your grasp so tight that letting go seems harder than the comfort of your grip? Is your bitterness and disappointment drowning out the joy you could embrace?
It’s time. Surrender and see what God can do.
O Lord, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps. Jeremiah 10:23
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