The ugly truth reared its ugly head again. A dark memory surfaced.
I laid in bed for hours rehearsing the hurt. Thinking of all the ways things could have been different. Resentment and anger and injustice filled my thoughts.
I was in the right, you know. And I had rights. . .
I had the right to feel all the feelings. I had the right to harbor emotions and feelings and thoughts. I had the right to be raging mad. I had the right to defend myself.
But dead people have no rights. A corpse does not move without the help of someone else. A dead man does not talk, think or feel. He’s under the total control of someone else.
And I am, essentially, dead.
As a Christian, my job is to die daily. To resist the urge to live my life my way, and to give complete control over to someone else.
And that someone else is Jesus Christ.
But the power of Jesus in me, is that he gives new life. Life full of abundance and grace and truth and light. When I embrace dying daily, he ushers in new breath filled with hope.
On my own, I am merely a dead man walking. With Jesus I have abundant life.
Paul said, “I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I, but Christ who lives in me.” (Gal 2:20) Isn’t that true of a Christian who desires to be alive in Christ? We die to our desires, our attitudes, our thoughts, our lusts, our addictions, our habits—so that we can testify of the Christ who lives in us!
Tossing and turning all night long won’t make the hurt and resentment go away. In fact, it merely feeds my flesh and helps me justify my bad attitudes and emotional pain. This speaks nothing of the testimony of Christ living in me. Instead, I can acknowledge my pain to a loving Father God, ask him for help and strength to conquer these emotions and for comfort for my hurts. I can praise him for the work he is doing in me as I recover and learn more how to die daily so I can walk in his abundance life. And lastly, I can pray and look for opportunities to share of the Christ who lives in me.
Nothing is wasted with Jesus—not sleepless nights, hurt feelings, devastating results or missed opportunities. He will use it all. Die to yourself and embrace the life he has for you. Abundant and fulfilling.